Tuesday, August 16, 2011

a CORRIDOR to watch you

Tuesday, August 16, 2011 0
Sometimes it can be harder
to remember than to just let go.
I always see my good companions as if I’m watching them from a fairly tall building. I’m in a room, then slowly I walk outside heading to the corridor. Stand still, I look down the building to see a group of people assembling together. These are the people I know well, my companions. My friends. Comrades. They’re all in different outfits and holding their personal signature items representing their different backgrounds. But they’re down there together. Chatting happily.
Some of them look similar to each other but some on the other hand are very different yet they’re still standing on the same ground. Those that look similar are typical (in a good way) and appear as this one small circle. They’re recognized by people by this circle.
Those that appear a bit different are recognized by their own selves. They present themselves as their own self, not by a circle. They’re a bit distinct from others, because they hold a strong figure of their own self, portraying their own distinct physical.
It doesn’t matter if you’re typical or different because what matters most is that you manage to stand together on the same ground no matter how peculiar your background might be. You keep your differences aside, finding the common ground and then you put trust on the ground so that both of you can stand there without doubts, believing that you’re good together.

Dear Malyque,
We weren’t really close and I know that I didn’t really take your 3 years in Jordan to know you more. I didn’t really take the opportunity when you were here. We didn’t eat our lunch together. I didn’t seat next to you in the lecture hall. I didn’t manage my time to study with you. I didn't visit you that frequent. I didn’t really spend much time with you.
But I just want you to know that all this while, you've been a real great friend to me. You’ve been such a lovely friend to me and to us generally; JUST 08 (as we’ve always pronounce ourselves as). I enjoyed every bit of my time around you that I never consider myself knowing you were a waste. I want to let you know that you’re one of strong figures I’ve always seen in JUST 08.
I support your decision, because I know you’re a very wise man. I’m proud of your decision, because you’re a brave lad who knows what’s best for yourself. So no matter what or how you’re doing it, I will always be here praying for great things to happen to you.
Last but not least, please keep on writing (blogging) for I admire your real class English. :p

Do you have your own corridor?

P.S. OMG This is my 50th post! :D

Sunday, August 14, 2011

Summer Rambles

Sunday, August 14, 2011 0
A promise, still so pure.
Rise like the tide,
No need to hide.
This is my summer rambles to you.
The air is full of dusts.
Dusts coming from the deserted dry desert.
Will he get through this?
Can they?
This is my summer rambles to you.
The sun is showing his pride these days.
The wind is carrying hot air to me.
The atmosphere is blazing hot.
Will I get through this?
Can we?
This is my summer rambles to you.
The sandstorm is coming soon to get you.
Rolls in from the air precipitation in the desert.
So you get your shelter.
Will you get through this?
Can I?
This is my summer rambles to you.
Daylights seem like an eternity.
Wouldn’t let you go.
Nights are only glances to us.
They’re gone before you know it.
So we wait for another day to pass.
To meet another peaceful night.
Will we get through this?
Can we?
This is my summer rambles to you.
Everything seems like coming to get me.
But I don’t see that in you.
You’re running away from me.
Offending everything I feel about summer.
You’re not a summer.
You deny my summer experience.
This is my summer rambles to you.
The seasons always change.
So summer will come and go.
You’re not my summer.
You don’t have to be my summer.
You can be my tropic.
You’ve already had a hidden spot on my heart.
So you will stay.
This is my summer rambles to you.
Can you and I get through this?
Will we?
Flicker and hover,
Still changing colours,
But nothing can break this calm.

Monday, August 1, 2011

the invisible me

Monday, August 1, 2011 0
I don't know where,
confused about how as well.

Like leftovers, waiting to be picked up then placed in any empty space.
Like me, hoping to be placed in a space where I'll be strong enough in my attempt to live and survive.
Like leftovers, like me.

How the heck did I get myself in this position?

When something begins,
you generally have no idea how it's going to end.

Monday, July 25, 2011

a drawer of unopened letters

Monday, July 25, 2011 0
We think too good of ourselves.
We thought we know everything.
We are too proud of ourselves.
Or maybe we are too broken inside that we deny everything else around.

Sometimes we take small things for granted.
We left a tiny hole uncovered.
Hoping nobody would ever notice it.
We ignored minute drops of water coming out of an old loose pipe.
Denying any significant effect from these drops.
We thought we’ve already taken everything needed into our account.
But maybe,
There could be a drawer somewhere we’re unaware of.
A drawer hidden long enough we couldn’t bother enough.
Maybe there is a secret drawer.
A drawer of unopened letters and birthday cards.

You might want to start refreshing your memory,
of every single vertex you’ve cornered away.

The storm is coming,
but I don't mind.
People are dying,
I close my blinds.

Saturday, July 23, 2011

when life gives you lemons, you do what?

Saturday, July 23, 2011 0
There are no guarantees in life
Not for the present
Nor for the future

We admit that there will be times when you can't stop smiling.
And there are also times when you just don’t know how to put your emotions in place.
You’re swarmed with so many kinds of feelings.
You’re trapped in emotions.
You can feel them all over your body.
Infesting the way you live your life.
And suddenly they took over your body.
Dominating your brain.
Controlling your every single reaction.
Just like an infection.
It started very discreet you couldn’t even bother to think of.
And suddenly you’re all feverish and reddening.
If only you took control of the time it began.
Now you’re sunk.

It’s life.
There are ups and downs.
Just like when you’re sitting on a boat in the sea.
You can feel the ups and downs.
You are trying to enjoy the moments.
But every now and then, waves keep on coming over.
They keep on trying to knock you out of the boat.
You don’t think it would get serious.
You don’t want to spoil your time-out on the boat.
So you find a distraction.
You read a book.
Or maybe playing the games you downloaded on your iPod.
But when you realized that the waves are getting harsher.
That’s when you know.
You need something to hold on to.
Those distractions worked, but only for a short time.
Now you really need to face the waves.
What will you hold on to?
Did you prepare a back-up plan?

do you think I'm strange?

All I know is that I’m here
Don’t know for how long

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

like me

Tuesday, July 19, 2011 0
I was standing just a few meters from him on one side of the road.
Cars would come from my right side so I would see him anyway.
The road was clear; free from cars.
He looked like he was waiting for the other side of the road calling for him.
He just stood there.
Looking for a certainty.
I wasn't sure if he wanted to cross the road or not.
I assumed his desire to reach the other side of the road.
But why didn't he cross the road while it was clear?
Maybe he too, thought the exact same thing about me.

unlike me
do you think I'm strange?

Wednesday, April 27, 2011


Wednesday, April 27, 2011 0

It’s been a long time, eyh? I just couldn’t find the time to write something, or couldn’t find something to write on actually. I registered 5 subjects for this second semester. 3 modules of system; Neuroscience I, Neuroscience II and UroGenital. Another 2 subjects with 1 credit hour each (I know what you’re thinking, believe me they’re essential) are Medical Ethics and Health Administration. So for the first time since I pronounced myself a medical student of JUST, we have to do an assignment on Health Care System Problems from administration or management point of view. Oh it’s been forever since I was asked to do a comprehension-like thingy. Since I’ve been thinking of updating this wasted blog of mine, why don’t I post my article here?
Please note that this is merely an assignment with no relevant proofs or facts. It’s just a bunch of words I put on together in an hour in an attempt to complete a 3 pages requirement (bonus marks alert!). So don’t take anything seriously because I don’t think serious when writing this. I assigned myself a topic of Incompetent Doctors. Okay, cut the crap, read on!

Nowadays, health care institutions especially hospitals have become one of the most important social services for every living person on the earth. A hospital is an essential element in any community in building a great country or so. Unfortunately, so many problems in one particular hospital will affect the way it should be functioning. Besides promoting the well-being of people, health care workers also held the responsibility to educate them. A great community can be built if all the members of the community are concern and realize the importance of leading a healthy lifestyle, thus creating a healthy environment.
From this point onwards, we already agreed the role of health care workers in educating people. Generally, an ideal hospital should consist of upper level workers and lower level workers. We are concerned about the managers, head of departments, chiefs and so on when describing the upper level workers. Lower level workers are usually the ones we are always talking about; the doctors on duty, nurses, technicians, receptionists and so on. So distinctively, the lower level workers are the ones who are closer to the people or patients requiring any hospital service. Of any workers they refer to, doctors are undoubtedly the closest any patients could have (in the hospital) as their trustees.
Therefore, doctors should be the one to educate people in encouraging the healthy lifestyle for them to carry on and spread on. Doctors’ words are usually what patients listened to afterwards. Educating people is not merely by treating, preventing them away from any harm or explaining the problem. This is more than about promoting the well-being. This is about making people understand the importance of this and that, here and there. Doctors become teachers in this situation.
So up until now, we already agreed that the most suitable persons in charge of educating people are the doctors. In order to carry out this plan, we will need a great deal of doctors. Competent doctors are the ones we are talking about. They need to be competent in completing their tasks. They should have the ability to fulfill anything required as long as they hold on to the title; Doctor. A competent doctor must not only know how to diagnose a disease, or how to treat a patient. They have to be able to carry out the duty as role models in one particular community. People often look up on doctors, on how they lead their lives, how they do their tasks, how they communicate, how skilled they are, how stable they are and so on. This is because a patient’s life at one time is technically depends on the doctor assigned to him/her. So a patient will demand to know how competent his/her doctor is to be trusted on his/her life. It’s not about taking care of things or whatsoever; it’s about the life of people. Handling a patient’s life is not an easy job because people are emotionally attached.
How competent a doctor should be? What kind of competency do we need? How do we assess the competency of any doctors? One of the problems rising up now in most countries nowadays is incompetent medical graduates or incompetent doctors. Too many doctors are useless if they can’t keep on their competency up to the level where people can trust them.
First aspect of competency is clinical and medical skills. Any unskilled doctors should not be trusted to handle a case alone. Medical graduates should’ve mastered the techniques and skills in carrying out their medical profession. Again, we are dealing with life of people or patients. Any mistake could be one step closer towards unwell-being. Patients will always be assessing the way any doctors handling them. How skillful they are? Are they capable enough to do a tracheal intubation? Can they be trusted to do a lumbar puncture? As far as we are concerned about the issue of unskilled doctors, there has been many reports on how doctors can’t find a vein, thus keep on poking the arm of the patients by the needle until they find one. If this one minor procedure can’t be mastered, how do we trust them to do a solo surgery, cutting the patient’s body open? Skillful and competent doctors will not only ease their job, it will also help in public display of the hospital.
We’re done talking about how incompetent a doctor can be in carrying out a medical procedure, even a minor one. The next aspect is the communication skills. Surveys proved that most patients couldn’t bother enough to ask doctors the real situation or status of their health because they’re afraid of disturbing the always-busy-doctors with some silly questions. This shouldn’t be happening. A good doctor should be able to have some time provided for his/her patient. There shouldn’t be a cold atmosphere between a doctor and a patient. They should be able to discuss freely. Again, we are dealing with people thus dealing with emotions and feelings. We are not to give judgments or giving harsh words. We are to ease patients. This is where communication skill is essential.
Those were some examples of how incompetent a doctor can be nowadays. How do we solve this problem? Let’s take a look on how it should be done from a manager’s seat point of view. Before accepting any application, a manager should have the applicants interviewed. A good manager will review the performance of each applicant then synchronizing it with the current needs of the hospital. This will also helps in financial aspect of the hospital because we are prioritizing the needs over any other things. A manager should hire a doctor upon his/her reviewed performance and the current needs of the hospital. From there, we might be able to find a skillful and competent doctor. The decision of a manager whether to hire or not could be the determination of the future of his/her hospital.
That is before hiring. After hiring, a good manager should go on with assessing the performance of each worker monthly or so. Sometimes they are good, sometimes they aren’t. So we need to know the status of their performance in carrying out their tasks. This includes the nurses, technicians and others involved. There can be an assessment form or so to keep track on how the workers are doing. When we detect something troubling, we will take some prevention action. That’s the purpose of an assessment. There should be a follow up, not just merely a record. Actions must be taken to prevent the workers from a deteriorating performance.
Next step is to delegate tasks evenly or doing shifts. Sometimes incompetent doctor results from less exposure thus lack of experience. This applies more on interns, residences and general doctors. They should not be picky with their tasks. A system of rotation from one department to another is helpful to help the doctors gaining or even balancing their skills and experiences. There shouldn’t be any compromises. All doctors have to abide the rules and shifts scheduled for them so everyone will gain something different each day.
My last suggestion of solution on these incompetent doctors is to hold a course or something like that in order to build the character of a competent doctor. This should come from the manager. This is a very universal solution because we can train almost everything in one particular course. For example, a course for bedside manners and doctor-patient relationship. The experienced managers may share the skills and techniques they developed from their experiences. Furthermore, we might be able to create the personality of our doctors as role models in one particular community through this course. It’s sort of a self-development program.
As for a conclusion, an incompetent doctor may results from the ignorant character of the doctor him/herself, or also comes from a bad management. One thing for sure, it’s the responsibility of the managers themselves to realize the situation, keep tracks on the performances and then taking such actions to ensure the development of a trusted hospital. A good hospital is reflected by its workers and doctors especially while a good doctor is a reflection of a good manager who successfully managed his workers.

Until then, TQ!

Friday, January 7, 2011

...a cab chat...

Friday, January 7, 2011 6
If there's no tomorrow,
then all we have is here and now

I had an exam. It was the final paper for the Endocrinology module. Well, I guess it went quite well although I had only started revising the materials the day before. That’s so not cool. Adding more to the un-cool-ness, I accidentally watched a movie the night before. Yep, accidentally. It was an underrated movie entitled IF ONLY.

Something beautiful about the movie, is that we can't fight fate. What to happen is what had been written. We may get it slightly change or different in order, but we can't escape fate. Simply, it's going to happen either way.

Okay. Enough with the movie and the accents and the hedonism craps. Back to the day, I took a cab headed to Mujamma’ Amman Jadid (a bus station). From there, I would take the hospital bus to KAUH. My examination hall is just nearby the university hospital. Along my way to the bus station, I did a little chat with the polite cab driver. And just for the record, I’ve just realized it’s been a long time since I last made a moving conversation with a taxi driver.

Please note that the conversation took place in Arabic. So this is just a well-written translation. Haha.

How are you? How’s your health?

Oh I’m fine, thank you. I’m good. How are you?

I’ve been good. When are you going back to Indonesia?

Oh no, I’m from Malaysia.

Oh well, are you going back to Malaysia?

Maybe next year. I don’t quite sure.

What do you study?


Oh great. If you are to be married, will it be a Malaysian girl or Jordanian?

UH-UH? Oh I certainly haven’t given any thought about that but most probably a Malaysian.

Why? Why would you not choose a Jordanian?

Well simply because I’m from Malaysia, I am a Malaysian. It’s easier regarding the cultural stuffs I guess.

That’s not a problem. You should be considering marrying a Jordanian. Do you already have a special girlfriend among the Malaysians here?

A solid no.

What is lover in your language?

Oh in Malay ea? Erm... Kekasih?

Kekashi? Kecashi? It sure is dificult.

No it's not. Arabic is far more difficult than Malay.

So you must have a lover right now. In Malaysia maybe.

Neither here, nor in Malaysia.

Seriously? You should be taking steps right now. What year are you in right now?

I’m currently in my third year.

That’s old enough. So I say you’ll be getting married in no time?

No I’m not. I mean, I haven’t thought about it seriously. I’ve never popped that question in my mind before. In the future maybe. I don’t know yet.

In your fourth year then? Next year?

No. I didn’t plan for it to happen in near time.

Fifth year then?

No. I’m barely a matured man. I’m still studying. If it were to happen, the closest it will be is most probably after graduating. I’m in no thought of marrying somebody while studying.

Well I pray for you then. Although I do think you should be getting married right now.

Oh that’s very kind of you. Let Allah decides. God knows better. Well what about you? Are you married?

Yes I am. I have 2 daughters and a son.

Oh praise to Allah. My pray for your happiness.

Thank you. Praise to Allah.

The conversation ended when we reached the bus station. The point is, I really don’t have an idea on why did he keep on pushing me to marry a Jordanian girl. He sure is persistent. lol. And so do you know, I translated the conversation in my way of writing. So it’s kind of overly written but the contents are the same, no added plot nor deleted scene. I just did a little touch up on the linguistic part. My Arabic wasn’t that good. Haha.

KAUH : King Abdullah University Hospital

stumble on tomorrow,
tripped over today.
promised that tomorrow,
be different than today.
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